Fuck Yeah Gingerkids Cookies

Ingredients

3 cups all-purpose flour plus more for dusting

1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

2 tablespoon ground ginger

1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

1/2 teaspon allspice

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

1/2 teaspoon salt

12 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened slightly

3/4 cup dark muscavado sugar (or brown sugar, if you are baking late at night and all the stores are closed)

2 tablespoons milk

1 egg

3/4 cup dark molasses

Optional sugary delicious topping:

Optional sugary delicious topping:

1/2 cup plain white sugar

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

Mix them.

COOKIES!

Whisk together dry ingredients except sugar.

Cream softened butter together with sugar until slightly fluffy. Add molasses and incorporate thoroughly. Add milk, then the egg.

Slowly beat dry ingredients into wet ingredients until combined. Dough will be sticky (and delicious.)

DECISION TIME.

Are you going to A) go the time saving, instant gratification route or B) willing to sit around for an hour before even turning on the oven?

If you said A, pre-heat the oven to 325 degrees F. Set optional sugary delicious topping within a convenient arms’ reach. Bust out tinfoil or parchment paper and cover your trays.

If you said B, skip past the short series of ball jokes and follow those instructions.

Form dough into small balls, a little smaller than golf balls. Or larger, if you want, I don’t really care. They’re your balls. Drop the balls in delicious sugar topping so one side gets nicely coated. Drop the uncoated part on the tray and squash it down into a nice flat evenly shaped disk that’s about a quarter inch thick. Make sure the balls are evenly spaced, you don’t want your balls to touch.

Bake your squashed balls for 12-15 minutes or until they’re a nice golden brown.

Let cool on trays for a few minutes then move cookies to a cooling rack.

Put the balls in your mouth.

For Option B, split the dough into three or four separate balls and wrap them in saran wrap (or zip lock bags.) Chuck them in the fridge for an hour or two to chill.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Bust out parchment paper or tinfoil. Cover your trays.

Put the cookie dough on a floured work surface. Roll it out to 1/8 of an inch thick-ish. Cut and transfer cookies to the prepared sheets. Reroll and cut the scraps into cookies. Continue until you’re out of dough.

Bake the cookies for about 11 minutes, until crisp. Cool for about 2 minutes, then transfer to a rack to finish cooling.

Frost those motherfuckers. Or don’t, if you don’t want the people who eat your cookies to give you unceasing praise and adoration, and possibly call you lazy behind your back.

The Best Fucking French Onion Soup EVER.

The Best Fucking French Onion Soup Ever (No, Seriously, Better Than That Other Best French Onion Soup, Really, I Promise)

Serves 6 regular people or 3 college students

Ingredients

Soup:

3 Tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 3 pieces
6 large yellow onions OR 3 large yellow onions and 3 large sweet onions- either way, about 4 pounds of eye-watering goodness
Salt
Dry sherry or red wine- I've used both and couldn't tell the difference, about 1/4 cup
4 cups low-sodium chicken broth
2 cups beef broth
3 sprigs fresh thyme, tied with kitchen twine
1 bay leaf
2 cloves garlic or garlic powder to taste
Ground black pepper (optional, I personally hate pepper)

Cheese Croutons Version

Sourdough loaf, cut into 1/2 inch slices
8 oz shredded Gruyere cheese (about 2 1/2) or more, if you're like me and the people I feed who like extra cheese and something to snack on while cooking

Bread Bowl Version

Small round sourdough loaf for each person
Same cheese


For The Soup

1. Adjust the oven rack to the lower-middle position and heat the oven to 400 degrees.
2. Halve the onions and cut them pole-to-pole in ¼ inch slices.
3. Place the butter in the pot and add the onions and 1 teaspoon salt. If using fresh garlic, dice cloves and add. If using garlic powder, add to taste when stirring for the first time. Cook, covered, for 1 hour (the onions will be moist and slightly reduced in volume). Stir after 30 minutes. Return the pot to the oven with the lid slightly ajar and continue to cook until the onions are very soft and golden brown, 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 hours longer, stirring the onions and scraping bottom and sides of pot after 1 hour.
4. Carefully remove pot from oven and place over medium-high heat. Using oven mitts to handle pot, cook onions, stirring frequently and scraping bottom and sides of pot, until the liquid evaporates and the onions brown, 15 to 20 minutes, reducing the heat to medium if the onions are browning too quickly. Continue to cook, stirring frequently, until the pot bottom is coated with a dark crust, roughly 6 to 8 minutes, adjusting the heat as necessary. (Scrape any fond that collects on spoon back into onions.)
5. Stir in 1/4 cup chicken broth, scraping the pot bottom to loosen crust, and cook until water evaporates and pot bottom has formed another dark crust, 6 to 8 minutes. Repeat process of deglazing 2 or 3 more times, until onions are very dark brown. Stir in the sherry (or wine) and cook, stirring frequently, until the liquor evaporates, about 5 minutes.
6. Stir in the rest of the broth, thyme, bay leaf, and 1/2 teaspoon salt, scraping up any final bits of browned crust on bottom and sides of pot.
7. Increase heat to high and bring to simmer. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and simmer for 30 minutes. Remove and discard herbs, then season with salt and pepper.

For the croutons:

1. While the soup simmers, arrange the baguette slices in single layer on baking sheet and bake in a 400-degree oven until the bread is dry, crisp, and golden at edges, about 10 minutes. Set aside.

For the breadbowl:

1. While the soup simmers, cut top off loaves and carefully remove inside- set aside for nomming or sopping up soup to taste-test. Place on baking sheet and bake in a 400-degree oven until bread is crisp, about 10 minutes. Set aside.

To serve:

1. Adjust oven rack 6 inches from broiler element and heat broiler. Set individual broiler-safe crocks on baking sheet or bread bowls and fill each with about 1 3/4 cups soup. For crocks- top each bowl with 1 or 2 baguette slices (do not overlap slices) and sprinkle evenly with Gruyère. For bread bowls- top with cheese, no croutons. Broil until cheese is melted and bubbly around edges, 3 to 5 minutes. Let cool 5 minutes before serving.

June Cleaver on Crack Cookies

During the winter, and especially the beginning of the new quarter, I go through fairly psychotic June Cleaver-meets-Martha Stewart-meets-Kelly Osbourne periods, where I neglect my homework to bake cookies, knit, and tart around in heels and pearls while doing so. So while I finish whipping up a few new patterns, have my trusty chocolate chip cookie recipe.


June Cleaver On Crack Cookies



Ingredients

2 1/8th cups flour (yes. 1/8th)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup dark brown sugar- packed
½ cup granulated sugar1 cup butter, softened (2 sticks)
1 ¼ tsp vanilla extract
2 large eggs
2 cups chocolate chips
Tinfoil
Stiletto heels
Pearls
Twinset and skirt
Frilly apron
Favorite rock and roll music and loud stereo

Cooking Instructions

• Pre-heat the oven to 375°F/190°C.
• Put on twinset, skirt, pearls, heels, and apron; spiffy updo is optional.
• Turn on stereo with preferred brand of music; I used a combination of Stellar Corpses, AFI, and IAMX to get the right consistency.
• Combine the flour, baking soda and salt in a small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy.
• Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in the flour mixture.
• Stir in the chocolate chips.
• Cover cookie sheets in tinfoil for easy clean up. Drop dough onto sheets in rounded spoonfuls.
• Bake for 9-11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool.
• Serve with milk or the blood of the neighbors who complain about the noise.

Innsmouth Scarf

Innsmouth Scarf



Face the horrors from beyond, challenge the Deep Ones, and plumb the depths of madness in style in Innsmouth, a lace scarf with scales and myriad eyes.


Supplies:
250 yards of worsted yarn. I used half a skein of Blue Moon Fiber Arts Luscious Single Silk in Thraven.
US 10 needles



Instructions:
Cast on 19 stitches.

Knit 2 rows.
Begin working in lace pattern until scarf reaches desired length. End on the w/s row after row 8. Bind off following instructions. Work the dropped stitches down to open the ladders. Weave in ends and block.



Stitch Pattern:

Row 1 (r/s): k2, p1, k2, yo, k3, s1k2togpsso, k3, yo, k2, p1, k2

Row 2 (w/s): k5, p9, k5

Row 3: k2, p1, k2, k1, yo, k2, s1k2togpsso, k2,yo, k1, k2, p1, k2

Row 5: k2, p1, k2, k2, yo, k1, s1k2togpsso, k1, yo, k2, k2, p1, k2

Row 7: k2, p1, k2, k3, yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, k3, k2, p1, k2

Bind-off:

Bind off 2 stitches, drop 1, make 2 stitches into next stitch, bind off 13, drop 1, make 2, bind off two.

Farallone Beret

Farallone beret



Supplies:
One skein each Malabrigo Worsted and Rowan Scottish Tweed Aran
16” circular needles in US sizes 8 & 9



Small:
Cast on 70 in mc, join in the round
Brim: k1p1 all rows
3 rows mc, 2 rows cc, 1 row mc
Increase row 1: (k1,p1, m1) around
Increase Row 2: Switch to larger needles (k21, m1) around
110 stitches
K1 round

Large:
Cast on 80 in mc, join in the round
Brim: k1p1 all rows
3 rows mc, 2 rows cc, 1 row mc
Large- Increase to 132
Increase row 1: (k1, p1, m1) around
Increase row 2: switch to larger needles (k12, m1) around
132 stitches
K1 round

Both sizes:

Begin working in lace stitch and stripe pattern. For a single yarn beret, disregard the stripe pattern and just follow measurements.

The first round of lace will be in your contrast color.

Work until the hat is 6 inches long and then begin decrease pattern while maintaining stripe pattern.

Break yarn and draw through remaining stitches. Weave in ends and block on a dinner plate to open lace and set the beret shape.



Lace Pattern Row 1: Yo, s2k1psso, yo, k1, yo, k7, s2k1psso, k7, yo, k1
Row 2: K around

Stripe pattern:
2 rows cc (one lace repeat)
6 rows mc (three lace repeats)
2 rows cc
4 rows mc (two lace repeats)


Dec pattern:
Dec 1: Yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, yo, k6, s2k1psso, k6, yo, k2tog
Dec2: K all
Dec3: Yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, yo, k5, s2k1psso, k5, yo, k2tog
Dec5: Yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, yo, k4, s2k1psso, k4, yo, k2tog
Dec7: yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, yo, k3, s2k1psso, k3, yo, k2tog
Dec9: yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, yo, k2, s2k1psso, k2, yo, k2tog
Dec11: yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, yo, k1, s2k1psso, k1, yo, k2tog
Dec13: yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, yo, s2k1psso, yo, k2tog
Dec15: yo, s2k1psso, yo, ssk, k1, k2tog
Dec 17: s2k1psso, s2k1psso
Dec 19: k2tog around

Isla Beret

Isla



errata in blue- edited 6/28

Supplies:

2 colors fingering weight yarn: I used one skein Claudia’s Hand Painted Fingering and one skein Koigu Painter’s Palette Premium Merino.

16” Circular US 3
16” Circular US 4
US 4 dpns

Directions

Abbreviations:

s1k2togpsso: slip 1 stitch knitwise, knit 2 together, pass slipped stitch over
m1: make one in preferred manner (I lifted the bar between stitches but yarn overs would also work)
yo: yarn over

Cast on 100 in main color, join in round and place marker
K1p1 3 rows in mc, 3 cc, 1 mc. Work increase round in mc.

Increase Row: *k1,m1,*x3, *k3, m1* to end of round- 132 stitches
K1 round plain
Switch to larger needles, knit 1 round

Begin working both lace pattern and stripe pattern at the same time. For a hat with no stripes, ignore stripe pattern and only work lace.

Work hat until it reaches 6 inches and begin decrease pattern.

Break yarn and draw through remaining stitches. Soak and block over a dinner plate to open lace and set beret shape.

Lace pattern:
Row 1: Yo, s1k2togpsso , yo, k1, yo, k7, s1k2togpsso, k7, yo, k1
Row 2: knit all stitches

Stripe pattern:
2 rows cc (one lace repeat)
6 rows mc (three lace repeats)
2 rows cc (two lace repeats)
4 rows mc (four lace repeats)

Decrease pattern:

Dec 1: Yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, yo, k6, s1k2togpsso, k6, yo, k2tog
Dec2 and all even rounds: K all
Dec3: Yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, yo, k5, s1k2togpsso, k5, yo, k2tog
Dec5: Yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, yo, k4, s1k2togpsso, k4, yo, k2tog
Dec7: yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, yo, k3, s1k2togpsso, k3, yo, k2tog
Dec9: yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, yo, k2, s1k2togpsso, k2, yo, k2tog
Dec11: yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, yo, k1, s1k2togpsso, k1, yo, k2tog
Dec13: yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, k2tog
Dec15: yo, s1k2togpsso, yo, ssk, k1, k2tog
Dec 17: s1k2togpsso, s1k2togpsso
Dec 19: k2tog around

Thorne

Thorne




A long, thin lace scarf in Noro Silk Garden. I used two different colorways that remind me of roses- thorns and petals.

Supplies:

Two skeins Noro Silk Garden or approximately 220 yards of worsted yarn
US 10.5 needles

Gauge is unimportant, but be sure that the fabric is loose and has a nice drape.



Directions

Cast on 15 stitches.
Work 2 rows in seed stitch (k1,p1 across)

Begin chevron lace:

Row 1: K1, p1, k1, yo, k3, slip1, k2tog, psso, k3, yo, k1,p1,k1
Row 2: k1, p1, k1, purl to last three stitches, k1, p1,k1

Repeat until scarf reaches desired length or until only a few yards remain. Work 2 rows seed stitch and bind off loosely. Mine used just under two skeins and is about 5’ 9” long.

Soak and block to open lace and bring out points at both ends.